I have never written a birth story and I have three children. Maybe because I still remember the way I would want to melt out of a room every time my aunt's and mom would share their stories. Maybe because I have controlled planned c-sections and they aren't very surprising. Maybe because I find the experience so personal that it is impossible to put into the proper words. Maybe because Jara was born before my blog and since I never documented her birth I felt guilty telling Jack and Elise's story. Whatever the reason, I am now ready to write Elise's birth story and if it doesn't do me in, I will write the other two as well, because even though it has been almost six years the memory of Jara's arrival it is still very clear in my memory. On to Elise, since it has only taken me about a year to the day to do this...
I know the day my children will be born. I even know the hour, but not the minute, no one is that accurate, however having scheduled c-sections helps. Jara was breech and my doctor was short on options and big on time-saving, for her, the doctor, not me and the consecutive babies I would have afterwards. Hence the c-sections. Curse that woman.
The day before Elise's debut I drove myself to the hospital and visited with nurses, had a loooong talk with the anesthesiologist and subjected myself to miles of paperwork and blood work. It makes for less stress on the big day. The night before I find sleep impossible. Worry over what you know is coming, joy at the thought of a precious baby, fear. In short, all of the emotions you can think up in the dark of night when you are about to undergo a life-changing event. Jed and I prayed, he prayed for my comfort and a special bond between the baby and I. Perfect words of peace. Elise was scheduled to be delivered at 8am, in order to be ready we needed to be to the hospital by 6:30. After three attempts to insert my IV and a blown out vein I remember looking out of the hospital window on the second floor and plotting my escape. At the time it seemed perfectly logical to drag Jed out of that hospital and into the desert up the mesa canyon to have my baby in the wild, no doctors, no hospitals, no c-sections, nothing but coyotes and the person responsible for the baby. My fear became so great it led to chihuahua like shaking. Uncontrollable shaking. I try to focus, meditate, go to my happy place, all of that but its impossible with the questions, procedures and nasty, bitter, vile shot of citric acid. Next comes the OR. Sterile and cold. More shaking. Being strapped to a table in a T form is not comforting but it does help the shaking. When your arms are velcro'd down they can't shake as hard. Everything happened very fast with Elise. As soon as I was thoroughly numb and the blue curtain was in place inches from my face I was quickly filleted. There is no other way to describe it. Filleted like a fish. Even though I am petrified beyond belief at this point and during the whole procedure there was never pain. I am grateful for a doctor that ensured my best care and an anesthesiologist who was very calming and kind. I knew Elise was out when I heard her cry and heard the excitement of Jed and the doctors. Nothing is better than hearing, "ooo she's a big healthy one." Once she was out, they wisked her to a table behind and to the right of me, I'm craning my neck straining against my straps to peek at her. Lots of hair and yes even from my limited view I could tell she was beautiful. The nurses wrap her and bring her to me. I'm unleashed long enough to pet her and rub cheeks with her. Jed gets her for a moment and then they take her away. Which I hate, I want to hold my precious new baby NOW not wait to be put back together. With my other two children I remember nothing once the baby was out and I had been able to pet them, with Elise I stayed with it and remember everything such as impatiently asking the doctor if he was done yet, poor man. It took 20-30 minutes to re-do 5 minutes worth of damage. Lots of layers to stitch up. Once released from the OR I was taken to my recovery room. Jed had arranged for flowers to be brought in and they were waiting for me, greeting me. Then the moment I had been anticipating for nine months, my baby Elise was placed in my arms and laid on my chest. Perfect. I cuddled her till she squirmed and then she professionaly fed for 20 minutes. Once her appetite had been attended to,she was perfectly willing to allow me to examine her. I had to look over every little digit and limb. Elise was very kind to let me wiggle her toes and num her chubby cheeks. Since she was breech, she had been lying on her right cheek with her head wedged in between my ribs, because of this her right cheek wasn't as plump as her left for months. Of course it was endearing all the same. I'm pretty sure at the time if she would have been born with a tail I would have thought it was adorable, I am thoroughly drugged post surgery. Anyway, after the once over, I plopped her on her tummy snuggled up into my neck and we promptly dozed off leaving Jed in charge. His job is to make sure everyone stays breathing and I don't fall so deeply asleep I drop the baby. He is a good caretaker. I can rest easily knowing he is watching over us.
My recovery with Elise was harder and hotter (record breaking August heat). I slept in the recliner for 6 days because my incision didn't allow for sleeping flat or on my side, and certainly not on my stomach. I bruised deep purple and yellow and now have a slight "shelf" on one side. Put back together one too many times I guess. My body also scars easily and I have a rope like laceration/scar to remind me of my experiences. I'm thinking a tattoo of "J.J.E was here" would go nice. So classy. However, the physical effects are insignificant. Every mom knows that.
Jed's blessing has provided a bond between Elise and I that is very strong. I have relished her first year. There are almost 3 years between Jack and Elise and it was so lovely to have a newborn again. The third time is a charm, you are not as scared as the first and not as overwhelmed as you are when you have two. Two doesn't sound like a big number until you think about how two is DOUBLE one. By three you are past the scared and overwhelmed stage, you know what's coming and you have gotten in plenty of experimenting. You are just crazy and dog tired. Minor details. Elise gets away with all kinds of naughtiness already and I just can't help it. You want to pull my hair and scream, okay baby do whatever you want, you are just so precious and cute and you are growing so fast and you will never will be little again so I will never be angry with you. Heaven help us I sound like a grandma.
Happy 1st Year Elise!
